marcherwitch: online home of writer Holly March

Look, I get it… I should like anime. The artistry and storytelling, dubs vs subs… I know. But here’s the thing…

I have Chronic Clinical Depression (among myriad other things). I don’t have the ability to pick myself up after my daft autistic brain puts me into grief because of something I’ve watched and anime, even the stuff fans tell me is super joyful like ghibli…

It’s like reading fucking Tolstoy or Dostoyevsky!

Japan has always – like tales of gengi onward – told stories pervaded with wistful contemplation and anime adds post nuclear desolation morbidity. And dear fucking gods, japan deserves to show their cultural identity however they choose, and disenfranchisement of that level is bound to appeal but I just… …can’t.

But know what I love? Know what has better than subbed anime voice acting and better than american tv comedy writing?

Abridged Anime.

But there are a lot of shitty “let’s use gay as a slur and call girls sluts” bullshit on youtube.

So as ever, sit on back while I show you the best – in my never humble opinion – that ‘ments have to offer!

You cannot talk abridgement without acknowledging the work of LittleKuriboh whose work on Yugioh Abridged is likely the reason their game got turned into an app, and who is The Sole Reason people are abridging today. Fucking titan! Nowadays the audio quality of those early episodes, like with early Red Vs Blue, stands out but if you’re young enough that it grates, stick with it. Yugioh Abridged really is the foundation upon which empires were built. You’ll go “THAT’S where that came from!” constantly!

Always happy to admit that YA inspired them is DragonBallZ Abridged, made by TeamFourStar. A wonderful bunch of human beings who refuse to bow to bigotry on youtube or among american anime friends. While DBZA didn’t go all the way to the depressing ending +looks at japan+, every episode, short, and in character Let’s Play (vegeta playing I Am Bread remains one of the funniest ten minutes on youtube, Lanipator is a fucking genius) is golden.

They’ve also done other abridged projects, such as the much vaunted Hellsing Ultimate Abridged and many have gone on to work in Texas’ voice acting milieu!

At this point I jump forward a little, as it took a hot minute for me to find more quality Abridgements. In fact, I thought I’d just have those two channels and was fine with that. Then LittleKuriboh collaborated with Logan “AzureCrow” Laidlaw for a yugioh special and that is the kinda guy he is!

AzureCrow’s main outlet is Project Mouthwash and they have two of my favourite shows!

Bleach S Abridged and Fate Unlimited Blade Works Abridged the latter of which i can’t even watch atm because it’s so good I get too hyped about it and executive dysfunction kicks in. It’s so good it triggers my fricking defence response!

The casts at this stage are all golden, all have decent mics right from the start, the giants whose footsteps they walk in have taught the world how to manipulate lipflaps… the quality is sublime. And the charm and– look, I have merch from the Official Release because of these shows and if they made Renji waifu pillows I’d have more because not show or movie or manga renji… I love abridged renji!

Something Witty Entertainment reinvigorated the ‘ment culture with SwordArtOnlineAbridged and as every third comment will tell you, have taken a mediocre anime and made it funny, devastating, and charming. The isekai of all isekai (ask me what i think of that lazy ass plot device, i dare you!), SAO was deliberately generic but not any more. The only person who has suffered is voice of male lead Kirito YamatoSFX who is a prolific voice actor for abridged series and is constantly being told “omg i just hear kirito” in the comments like YEAH, FUCKWIT, THAT’S HOW VOICES WORK!

+breathes+

Anyway, definitely recommend! Very clever writing!

So at this point a lot of actors cross over, bringing attention to each others’ series, and that’s how I found Grimmjack: host of “in a nutshell” – a way to get past youtube’s copyright bots, and the inimitable Goblinslayer Abridged and part of The Schmuck Squad whose version of Seven Deadly Sins is the better of the ‘ment versions in my opinion, even if it is… harder to listen to… and…

The Devil Is A Part Timer which I had never heard of and which looks to be tongue in cheek anyway – the asian culture against part time contract workers is present in a lot of k and c dramas too… fuck you, amirite? – and is just… wholesome in a slightly sex positive but definitely -crazed way. Calls it out rather than letting it play, yuh know? If you want a quick intro and the “in a nutshell” format Grimmjack employs isn’t your thing, try this one out!

There are other examples of decent stuff out there, please comment if I missed one you love, but do be prepared to have to roll your eyes at xbox 14 year old assholes who think cursing is funny as opposed to a form of linguistic italics, and bigotry is ok if it’s – say it with me – “just a joke”.

Little cunts…

Anyway, I hope I’ve brought you something that might bring you joy. We need it, after all!