10 Medieval Weapons every Woman should wield against her enemies…

This is a response to a need on twitter. It is couched in gendered terms as a means of satire against the lists created for “women” on the internet. TERFs are not welcome here.

Of course, any abled person can wield these weapons, and many are adaptable for those in wheelchairs. People who use crutches are advised to use poison against enemies instead.

The Hunga Munga

The Hunga Munga ROCKS!

There is a scene in Buffy where a little white girl uses it but this beeyatch is african through and through. It can be used to cut through dense jungle undergrowth and your enemies. Best of all? It’s a frickin’ throwing weapon too. You can hurl it at their retreating backs after they think they’ve won an argument by being supremacist and snotting off in a strop!

The Long Bow and Flat Bow

The Long Bow is a stone cold classic.

Developed by the welsh (booyah), particularly by welsh mercenaries and the southern kingdoms, it could pierce plate armour, fire for 600 yards at high accuracy, and have three rounds of ammunition in the air at once.

It is problematic for big boobs, though, as you can only pull to half draw.

The Indigenous American flatbow is a great alternative, as it is lighter and easier to use on horseback.

The Crossbow

The crossbow was invented both by the chinese and the genoese (but given Genoa’s command of trade at the time, it’s possible they just nicked the idea and told Europe they’d invented it). Using a mechanism to fire it requires less training than the longbow. Some versions even have a winch to make loading the darn thing easier so you don’t need uber strength to get a bolt in there.

There are hand held versions these days that fit beautifully in one’s handbag.

medieval dagger with a long slender blade – antique hand weapon with bone handle, isolated with clipping path

The Dirk is an awesome weapon. It’s pretty! Look at that nice sharp blade and elegant but understated handle!

The dirk is a great defensive weapon since it can be disguised in a long skirt or floofy sleeve but the long blade cuts deep, seeking out internal organs and sliding past ribs and through muscle.

Best places are under the armpit while hugging or into the femural arteries while being forced to your knees.

The Quarterstaff or Bowstaff are both excellent weapons. Traditionally associated with Little John as a weapon of strength, it actually takes a lot of skill to wield effectively. Katas are a must.

And I didn’t want to not credit but there are loads of pictures of Critical Role character Beauregard using her bowstaff and it is AWESOME.

If you have the dexterity, this is one for you!

The Javelin

While the southern welsh kingdoms were developing the bow, the northerners stuck to the old Briton weapon – the Javelin.

Up close it could be used like a bowstaff, but the plan was to throw it during a charge, and then retrieve it for close quarters combat.

Additionally, after a battle the points could be retrieved and affixed to other staves. So this weapon is thrifty AND recyclable!

Illustration of a Roman swords

Short swords are a blast.

The ambidexstrous among you can even dual wield in your duels. Smart and varied, the short sword doesn’t wear you down before you get to fighting, but still packs a heft thanks to that flat, wide blade.

Don’t forget they can be used defensively too, blocking incoming blows from your enemies.

The Khopesh

The Khopesh is the most beautiful weapon ever and I will fight you on this. That scythe-like blade (often in bronze because of the era it was designed) and a horn or wooden handle, it all screams class.

Your enemies will envy your style, I promise you, if you come at them with this ancient Egyptian beauty!

The Flail (often confused with the Mace), is an elegant weapon when used right and a bit of a menace to the beginner. Often light-weight to make switching weapons on horseback easier, it is also therefore not going to slow your charge.

The spikes pierce, and the ball bludgeons, but the speed of your strike should keep the swing going around for the follow through, so you shouldn’t have to yank it out of too many skulls.

But the best weapon for the lady of today to smite her enemies is the mutha-truckin’ war chariot. How could you do better than to emulate Boudicca herself? (Well… I mean Ameridas actually won against the romans…but i digress)

Blades on the wheels to cut through their legs, archers on the back, and horses trained for battle. The javelin makes a great combo with this utter winner of a weapon.

Advertisements
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

I am going to be published!


I am so very excited!

Love Africa Press is going to publish my story Her Golden Eyes (I suck at titles so this is a working title! I’m kinda hoping the editors will be able to find a catchier one!) This press is a digital publisher with the aim of promoting and spreading stories about Africa and African characters with a love of the continent. There is an amazing article with them here. It lays out the mission statement and attitude of the women running the press and I am beyond honoured that my story will be part of this press.

This would not have happened without The Pink Heart Society and #UKRomChat and is a real testament to how putting work in and being willing to help people out and be yourself can go a long, long way.

This story was the third medieval romance I wrote. The first was lady and knight, very safe, and the second was a pirate prince set on the Isle of Mann. The advice I was given by Harlequin was to write something no one else could, and since I had been whining about the lack of medieval African romances, I leapt into another of the regions my online RP had lightly stepped into and Sabbah and Tison happened. I am so excited to share them with people and to have the chance – if nothing else – to work with an editor and improve my craft.

Once I discovered the #OwnVoices movement I was very worried that I was submitting and being one of those authors who sensationalises other races and cultures. Huge props to Ahmad Fathy, who beta’d the book for me and gave the greatest compliment I could have received, that I had “perfectly captured the conservative Arabic man in love“. He also, as a fantasy reader primarily, got a little sick of being told how hot and muscled Sabbah is. Bless him for sticking with it, and for always encouraging me to believe in the book. Without him I would never have had the courage to send Kiru Taye the story when she asked about it during UKRomChat.

I am going to put up links to Love Africa Press and I really recommend you check them out. You can get a lot of the books through Kindle at the least. I LOVE Kiru Taye’s books especially so this is like someone from Delta Rae tapped me on the shoulder and said “You sing really well!” or something.

This is still sinking in and I am still occasionally texting my best friend and saying OH MY GODS, KIRU TAYE LIKES MY BOOK! let alone the fact I am actually contracted to be published next year.

I have a list going of people who book blog. Preference will be given to medieval and African/Afro-Caribbean bloggers but if you will be interested in my medieval Marrakech romance for your blog or booktube, please let me know! I will get ten copies to give away and only one is earmarked for definite so far!

If I have any advice to offer in the “how did you get published” vein, it’s write your fanfic, write your RPs, be yourself on social media, and if someone asks for help GIVE IT! I was so nervous about becoming a Content Editor for Pink Heart Society and I still have months where my executive dysfunction just says NOPE! CAN’T! TOO SIMILAR TO BAD TIME IN LIFE! which is also why I can’t use facebook. I did not know why UKRomChat would want to talk to ME and why on earth would anyone pay attention when there are legit authors either side of me. If I hadn’t been talking about past writing, I would not have been picked up by Kiru Taye.

Oh, and do your research. I have read books on medieval islam, west african empires and tradition, the trade routes, the political stuff… I have researched birds and insects and vermin… you need to know when foods were introduced along the silk road and the Saharan trade routes… You need the terminology. You need to know the difference between slavery in medieval Arabic Africa and the devastating evil of slavery in the 15th to 19th centuries. You need to respect that just because you don’t believe something, your character does! I have a Christian and a Muslim character and I’m a brythonic pagan witch who practices energy magic, for pete’s sake. Don’t be one of those people writing about Sheikhs as just exotic dukes with harems. It is so cringey that those are still published, and I know that it’s bad to cast shade but… you know…

It’s 2019, people…

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Archetypes Articles So Far…

My Archetypes pieces are the price The Pink Heart Society pays for my editing. I love writing them. In a recent interview with #UKRomChat I said it might be a side effect of my Aspergers, but I see patterns in words the way some see them in Magic Eye pictures.

These articles are about characters, pitfalls in writing them, and how best to pair them off…all in my ever so very humble opinion…

The early ones may contain language I’ve yet spotted which contains linguistic bias for a binary gender system. I edit them out as I notice them, because just because a habit is ingrained doesn’t mean it doesn’t need to change, and I am trying. If you see mistakes where I’ve said “both genders” or something like that, please tell me.

Posted in Writing about Writing | Tagged | Leave a comment

#UKRomChat Interview

On Monday I was the honoured guest of #UKRomChat, a hashtag group for romance authors to chat and learn from each other within the bounds of GMT or BST, rather than having to stay up until four am for the ones in the US or Oz…

 

It was bloody scary in the lead up but everyone was amazing, and so supportive, even when Shropshire internet did it’s thing in the last ten minutes, meaning the chat had to overrun.

 

I’ve collected and cleaned up my answers, in case anyone’s interested, because I got very scrambled and forgot what question I was answering at one point and *gestures*

 

Q1: Hi Holly, please tell us about yourself and the books that you have written.

I’ve been telling stories and writing them all my life (mostly fantasy, but I wrote 170,000 of a hard history based on the wars fought by Gruffudd and Maredudd ap Cynan ab Owain Gwynedd but I knew I was working towards the tragic ending and it was affecting my depression). It wasn’t until i switched to romances that i finished any! I’ve written three medieval romances, set in different countries (Warwickshire, England; The Isle of Mann, at the time part of the independent Isles; and Marrakech, Morocco.

This was before i became fully aware of the movement and realised that some white chick on the welsh border should not be telling stories based in medieval africa…there is such a small space allotted for black authors, especially in romance… For a white historian to tell a story where the culture is intrinsic to the characters is not fair… not when so many black authors are trying to break into a heavily biased industry.

but yeah, romances… 75000 words, 4000 words a chapter… the format helped! none are published, but i had a beta reader tell me i “captured the struggle of a conservative arabic man in love” which was awesome! He is Egyptian and has been nagging me for a sequel despite my above argument about white people taking story space from authors of colour ever since he Betad.

Q2. Regarding , please tell us all about your fairy tale adaptations. They sound awesome!

Squee! All right, they were meant to be a frickin’ side project. And then i got really involved in the world-building. They are sole POV romances with a heavy dollop of self-empowerment and friendship. They are shapeshifter fairy tales in an iron age setting.

I am currently writing Cinderella, under the title Ashwolf© but the main characters for Icemirror (The Snow Queen) and as yet untitled Snow White have been introduced.

I started writing them, as I said, as a silly side project. I love paranormal romances (Ann Aguirre, Margo Bond Collins, Kiru Taye, Michelle Osgood), and I love Fairy Tale Adaptations (May Sage, Julia Quinn, Shana Galen, Marissa Meyer). Sticking them together and trying to write the way I wrote fanfic was the plan. They took over from the “main project”, my first foray into high fantasy since uni bitches mocked me out of it. Suddenly I was fleshing out this world and loving the characters and now they are my fricking life…

alar by Nico Houle

Please enjoy this commission from artist Nico Houle of my Love Interest Alar. He is actually a red head but the style of art is all stark colours. And I love the expression! It’s so my soft, beta leader!

I believe Nico is available for commissions again and I really recommend him. He was super friendly and understanding of my embarrassed faceclaim choice and that since I’d not asked for a commission before I had no idea what to ask. Genuinely nice lad, and clearly super talented!

 

Q3. It’s autism awareness month. Do you find your autism impacts on your writing?

This is the first time I am writing an autistic character… my romances were attempts at writing people who didn’t think like me… i was being told “women don’t think like that”! Well, I do! When I see a man I think is hot i DO just tell him. When I get a potential boyfriend I bring up sex as soon as possible. You don’t want to wait til your wedding night to find out he wants to bring a dog into the equation…

But yes, i am writing people who think like me and it is soooooo much easier… i was trying to write for Harlequin… like to the formula… and it just does not work for me! I love reading them so I thought I could write neurotypical romance as though I could translate it somehow…

So instead i’m writing these daft things with mental health issues and neurodiversity instead! (Thank you to the people who said they wanted more of these! I promise you from now on I’ll only be writing people who think like I do. Pity the beast in Beauty and the Beast. She’s getting my M.E.)

Autism made research for the medieval stuff easier… retention of little facts, stuff like that… i am autistic… but instead of baseball cards or the names of one hit wonders, i threw myself into medieval history… so i can tell anecdotes about kings and princes 800 years dead the way most people talk about kardashians!

It helps with world-building and planning that i am so visual… I do mindmaps, actual maps, great branching diagrams about what I want to accomplish, which tropes I want to use, what I want the characters to feel and how they will arc.

The executive dysfunction side of it is a… ahem… a camel. Basically i want to open my laptop. I am next to my laptop. And i can’t open it. I just can’t… my hands flex… and i stare at it… and i can’t… and I only learned that was an autistic thing last year… i kept assuming it was some character weakness in myself. But yeah that sucks!

But autism has only just with this project begun to influence my characters… because i want to just write without having to go “do normals think like this?” So my character is blunt and curious… she is fascinated by new things… she trips over her own head…like i am doing!

Lucy Keeling then asked: What do you have to do, or what helps you to get typing or keep typing?

Some days i have to accept i am not going to be able to write… like getting a migraine… sitting in front of it and feeling like crap won’t help! i have playlists of character songs, i have aesthetics and wallpapers… i have fancasts to look at… and i have my notebook for worldbuilding so if i can’t write i’ll go in there and talk about traditions and games people play and stuff… anything to keep my head in the game, as HSM taught us!

Q4. Are there any misconceptions about autism that you come across in your own reading? What can writers do to educate themselves about autism and neurodiversity?

ok so first off the hashtag, and you need to be following @NeuroRebel Amazing! Keep far from AutismSpeaks… they’re the sort of organisation that thinks it’s caused by vaccines, and should be cured. They preach actual eugenics. So you get parents who are led astray with the “hope” that their kid will be “normal” some day… it’s understandable! I am an Aspie. I’m fortunate. I can mask, I can communicate, I got a frickin’ degree even if that and a year in an office broke my mind because people suck.

There are people whose children cannot understand the connection between “I need the loo” and “my pants are full of shit”. And that fucking sucks. That is hard. But people get so focused on how hard it is for the parents not having a normal kid that they forget that the child is a person, an entity, who is clearly not responding to the teaching techniques that work for a NT child.

Autism is not a mental health problem. It’s a lumping together of anyone who doesn’t think the way the majority do… and not like agreement wise, but rather synapses and neurological pathways in the brain. And there are so many different variations but we’re all just stuck together kinda like People Whose Favourite Colour is Red being a majority so anyone whose favourite colour is something else being the Non Red People

One of the reasons i didn’t ever think i was autistic was that i hate maths… and all autistic people are like… super good at maths or art… Bones, House, NCIS… all these shows portraying autistic kids as these artistic geniuses who can predict the frickin’ future with their art… The exception I’d state is that Boston Legal’s portrayal of a lawyer with asperger’s was good! It was massively exaggerated, like… he had ALL THE TICS! ALL THE BEHAVIOURAL ODDITIES and they didn’t really understand what stimming was, but yeah… that was good. Parents used to laugh and go “that’s so like Holly” in his scenes.

Anyway, if you know the fantasy/DnD alignment of Neutral Good… Chaotic good etc… autism is a lot more like that… my nephew is Chaotic Neutral. I’m firmly in Order. I can’t disobey rules! When nephew visits we get on fine… most of the time… but if we clash it’s because he needs a good reason to follow an instruction while i’m like CADET YOU WERE GIVEN A DIRECT ORDER… so we clash… which cerebrally is fascinating!

Autism is a spectrum. So sure, have a stressed single mum with her kid who draws all the time and leaves his toys everywhere and needs constant attention… but also remember that there’s the kid who talks all the time, happily occupies themself, and has learned to feel guilt already if they are too noisy.

 

Q5. What does your role at the PHS involve?

People send in their articles, and I copy and paste them into the website’s dashboard thingey, and format them to the specifications of the site so everything is nice and tidy and on brand! and i attach stock photos to illustrate points which is a struggle because there are not enough stock pictures of POC, gay couples, and especially not enough gay couples who aren’t white and hipster as all get out…

i also write articles when i can, especially my Archetypes series where i choose two romance stock characters and talk about pitfalls, cliches, and how to best match them off with other archetypes… (i think this is an austistic thing too, seeing the patterns in books…) it also gives me an excuse to plug my favourite authors over and over again! mwahahaah!

Q6. You share our passion for promoting diversity in romance. How does the PHS go about this?

just looking at the Meet the Team part of the website shows you how many ethnicities we have represented, though that isn’t how people are chosen. There’s no PHS quota or guideline for including mentions of different ethnic writers or sexualities or genders. But we try… individually we try… and Trish, who runs the site, is genuinely awesome and our content commissioner, Ali, is a paladin!

Over christmas, for example, we had christmas reads, hannukah reads, a piece about paganism… i was worried when i started that i might have to sneak in diversity but it’s just calmly expected… we would like to get more representation for LGBTQIA+ people and in advertising books, but since they’re a marginalised group (IT IS NOT A ****ING GENRE, PUBLISHING) there is less capital for advertising…

Whenever i do an archetypes article i try and make sure i don’t use the term “both genders” which is exclusionary to non-binary and intersex people especially… i try and include romances that aren’t purely heterosexual…and content editor is always up for articles about diversity… after another year of heavily white-weighted awards at the RWA RITAs we went back and forth and the new edition has a list of books by Ali’s favourite black authors to choose from…i also have a typed up and tied together article of a questionaire that three amazing trans and non binary writers filled in for me about how allocisgender writers can include and portray trans characters… every little helps, i hope!

Q7. What’s your favourite historical period and who is your favourite historical romance author?

I was dreading this one… my favourite era is the 12th Century.

As in I do not think about anything after 1200 because that is the year all hope ended for the welsh… it all went downhill.

But i prefer to read regency to victorian… reading medieval tends to……make me think “how would i write this? what would i include here… oh… that sort of butter churning wasn’t introduced for another seven years… book ruined…” both Elisabeth Hobbes and Kiru Taye are in the chat and i recommend both so, so highly (Kiru Taye’s Men of Valor trilogy is gloriously sexy)!

But…I think anyone who follows me knows my fave historical author is Christi Caldwell. She writes early to mid 19th century and she writes so, so fast and at such high quality, which is daunting but so good for a reader! she knows just how i like it! and is lovely! She does the Misunderstandings and Tragic Sacrifices so well that they never feel forced. And I love it! I love that heart-breaking, chest-freezing bit of the book where you wonder how the happy ending will come about.

Q8. Last year you recorded a podcast series called From The World Up. What inspired this and do you have any tips for hosting a podcast?

I am currently writing fantasy but I have so much medieval knowledge, especially of the day to day minutiae, that was just going to waste. I wanted to share it, to help people who are DMing for Dungeons and Dragons, or writing fantasies set in a medievally background, to fill out their worlds realistically. To stop them having those moments where they have someone use a mechanism that only would have existed if something else did blah blah blah…

And advice?

yeah… don’t listen to your own damn recordings…

I wanted to keep doing one a fortnight, but i wanted to check my sound levels were equal and i hate my own voice… executive dysfunction on them ever since! It sucks…

But mainly, pick something you find interesting. not something that is trending… i love medieval history and since i’m writing fantasy romance atm a lot of the knowledge was just sitting there, doing nothing as I said so *gestures*. It was a way of spreading the love.

 

Q9. What are the most important things to consider when world-building?

That what might be your hero being amazing to you, might be “oh look, even in fantasy a white dude has to save us…”

We have to learn from the Eddingses and even the Tolkiens and ensure that fantasy moves away from eurocentricness…just take a step back and think “are my orcs like… super russian? do they need to be?” “do i really want a society with slaves just to show they’re the baddies?” after that… google your names, city names, religion names, everything followed by “translation”. You don’t want to suddenly find out five books in that your capital is called City of Butts in Malay.

Q10. And to our last but not least question. What is it about writing the Happily Ever After that you love?

I have chronic depression. I’ve survived suicidal nights reading romances back to back. They give me joy, happiness, and i can only read books with happy endings because of my head. I want to give that to others. Plus if i didn’t the Voices would kill me.

So yeah if anyone ever sneers at you for writing romance novels, tell them you’re saving lives… because you are…

Posted in Writing about Writing | 2 Comments

My pinkheart articles for February

pixlr_20180618072706628.jpg

pics from pinterest, not my own

 

Hullo!

I have been truly awful at keeping this updated, and I apologise for that! Here are links to the two articles I have on Pink Heart this month.

I wrote a piece as part of the Valentine’s Day advice bit which was then retooled as “Romance Advice” which… I’m commitment phobic so… yeah… but here it is. I also wrote a piece about recognising suicidal feelings and promoting inclusivity which you can read here.

 

I’m also doing better with book writing! If anyone is interested in me talking about my writing process or WIP, let me know, but also, follow me on twitter because I talk about it all… the… time…

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

From the World Up – Genesis of Religions

Episode Seven Genesis of Religions

In this episode I talk about how some of the major religions of our world got started in order to help you build your own world’s religions. Warning: western goggles, some anti-monotheistic sentiment, and omg, hardly any detail because I wanted to keep the length under 30 minutes. I left out Jainism, Sikhism, and modern shamanic practice for starters.

 

As ever, you can access this podcast on google, spotify, and on loads of other platforms through anchor.

And here it is on youtube:

As ever, I crave feedback, if I’m doing something really right or really wrong, let me know! And if you have any aspect of world-building which you’re struggling with, let me know that too and I’ll do an episode if I can!

Posted in From the World Up - Podcast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

From the World Up – The Evil Empire

 

Episode Six Evil Empire

Hello, darlings!

 

This fortnight’s episode is on the subject of The Evil Empire. Shudderingly real again these days, isn’t it, between Russia and the US? But no fear, I focus on the medieval and ancient in my explorations of the things you need to have considered to make your Evil Empire realistic and consistent.

Comment with any questions, or suggestions for future podcasts you need to hear for your world-building.

 

 

Here is the episode on Anchor, with links for apple podcasts, google, spotify etc.

 

Note: there won’t be a podcast next fortnight. I’ll just be back from holiday and jetlagged! So plenty of time to let me know if there’s something you need me to cover.

 

All my love,

marcherwitch

Posted in From the World Up - Podcast | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment